"Whatever"

I had no idea what a cruel world we live in and I now understand why brides go insane. I have decided that my motto for this whole wedding thing is "whatever". There are a few things that are super important to me, but there is no reason to stress out over every little detail. All that matters in the end is marrying the love of my life. But I do know why brides turn into bridezillas. I decided that since I have a ring on my finger I could officially register on knot.com. I am not putting a website of how Barret and I got engaged, I really just wanted to look at the pictures. So don't put our names in there, because you won't find anything. So I registered and it asked the date of our wedding. October 11, 2008. On a side note everyone has asked me that and they are shocked and awed when I have an answer...well why did you ask it then? Anyway there is something called a wedding checklist on there and seriously I think I had been engaged for less then 24 hours and it told me I had 19 THINGS OVERDUE. Seriously???? This is why brides go crazy...I am sure of it. Then there was a big article on what was the best diet for brides...at that point I looked at the computer and said out loud "elastic and spanxs you effer". The Internet created bridezillas and I refuse to be part of it. I thought about deleting the account, but I really like the pictures! So raise a glass to "Whatever"!

Merry Christmas!!!!

Here's to the best Christmas ever!!!!!

Check it out

A new web site for a new start!

www.ral.org

You know it's hard out there for a Pimp

Happy Birthday to me is all I can say. What a party. If you missed it this year go ahead and mark your calender because round 2 is coming next year.

Save the neck for me, Clark.

Life has been a little busy and I apologize for all the wait...I know everyone out there wants to know what is going on in my crazy life with curly hair...although it is straight today. Well you can see that I got into the Thanksgiving spirit this year. Full on Turkey costume. Aren't you jealous? I delivered turkeys for work. I think it is called being low man on the totum poll. Then I went home on Wednesday to spend the holiday with my fabulous family. That is until they decided to eat shrimp, close my throat, call 911, huge ass shot in my leg and a panic attack at the great hospital in old Tappy. Seriously people shrimp are no longer allowed in my life. Then I woke up on Thursday and watched Aunt Courtenay make a pumpkin pie with "old spice" not "allspice"...and just in time to watch my mom pull the bird out of the oven the first time when she cursed and told me that she didn't think the bird she bought had legs...but this one from the oven most def had legs. I left to change, deciding that I could not wear my pajamas to Thanksgiving dinner, when mom called me laughing and telling me that I had to swear not to tell, but she looked at the bag after I left and she bought a chicken. Chicken not turkey. It is really hard to keep things from my brother Geoff...I am not good at fibbing and he knows. So he starts to tell me how he is soooooo hungry that he could "eat the ass out of the turkey". I am brushing my teeth and trying hard not to choke on my own spit. He hears me giggle and starts the questions. He finally figures out and I tell him that mom bought a chicken...and it has been a really tough couple of weeks with Grandpolly being sick and we should be thankful we are eating thanksgiving dinner at all. He tells me he wanted turkey. We head to Grandpollys and surprise her with family and chicken. She doesn't care...family is what is important. So Geoff decides we had a fake Thanksgiving...we had Chicken, mashed potatoes and one of our gravies from KFC, and homemade whipped cream which is fake cool whip. It was a sight in the kitchen with paper plates and a plastic table cloth. Hey pull up the RV and put up the Nascar flags...and most of all save the neck for me Clark! disclaimer: the costume really pushes the girls up and I did not get DDs for Christmas.

4 seasons- 1 day

Yesterday was intense ladies and gentleman. I managed to engage myself into four seasons in one day. After waking up on Sunday with a headache from the champagne that I found at the 5th or 6th wedding Barret I have been to this year I remembered that my dear friend Pie called and announced that she was engaged!!!! Yay Pie!!!! But if you remember engagement season opens Dec 24th...there must be an early season this year. But what girl doesn't love going to weddings...it is a girl thing to do. Look at the wedding dress, figure out how all the bridesmaids know each other, and what interesting gossip is going on with the guests. There are flowers, friends, dresses and a cake. (on a side note Barret is starting to commentate weddings and will say things like...this is the second wedding we have been to where they had cupcakes instead of a wedding cake. I think it is pretty funny, if you know Barret you will think it is funny also because at the beginning of this wedding season i am not even sure Barret knew there was cake at a wedding)...anyway. The wedding season is a great one for girls. The second season Barret and I found ourselves in was football season! I love football season, obviously especially the Steelers...but Football has really tried to gain women fans. For example all the refs are wearing a pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness. I think that is great and I applaud that NFL for that. Also those tight ends have some great tight ends in those tight pants. What girl does not want the camera to be behind the offense when Tom Brady bends over for the snap. It is a beautiful thing. So season two of football was mixed in with season three of NASCAR. I again don't know if I can really get into NASCAR, but this is how Sunday's go at our house. Football...NASCAR...football...NASCAR...football...NASCAR...Barret falls asleep....Mary takes remote...MTV The Hills...Barret wakes up...football...NASCAR last 5 laps and we are through with that! So I think our third season of NASCAR is made for ladies also because really it doesn't take that long for the guys to drift off to sleep with the constant 500 laps around the track...then we get the remote. It is great. Then there is break and the new grill is used and some news is watched because we all need some current events...and then Sunday night football. Usually by this time I am sports out, but not last night...Sunday Night Football featured the Steelers! Sadly our 4th season was also starting/finishing...baseball. I do not like baseball. There are like a million games and the Red Soxs or the Yankees always win the World Series. No one even knows baseball is going on until the World Series. Okay so I had to share the commercials with the Red Sox game last night...b/c I wasn't missing one second of the steelers game for the red sox. Again I was thinking that maybe I could get two seasons of tight pants in one night and well else can a girl as for on a Sunday night. But no...when did Baseball loose the tight pants? The guy pictured above, Manny Ramierez wore the baggiest clothes I have ever seen in my life. I am so confused. All Barret wanted to do was watch the last game of this series and here I am bitching about how tight...or non tight I should say Manny's pants are. Needless to say we didn't watch much baseball. Baseball has absolutely nothing to lure the female crowd to watch the game. If you find something i would love to know. As for me I have made my picks for my 4 seasons...in the wedding category I am cheering for Pie, Football...duh Steelers, NASCAR I cheer for Jimmy Johnson, not so much that I care if he wins or not but Barret got me a baby blue baseball cap with a sparkly 48 on it so I feel if I have a piece of clothing I should cheer for that person, and finally I will cheer for the Colorado Rockies...spread the wealth. So 4 seasons in one day... Put a fork in me I am done.

It's me...it really is me

Ok so my boss got this really cool book the other day from J Jill called "Fortune-Telling Birthday Book". This book has got me figured out.

For my birthday December 3rd (ahem) it says:

"You are idealistic and impatient and judge hastily. Although you plan many things, you tire quickly and drop them before completion. You have a clear, bright mind and are very adaptable. You are kind, affectionate, and charitable, and have many real friendships."

It's me!!! The kind, affectionate, one foot stomper, impatient planner who never gets anything done!!! Oh yeah and i got me some real friends...no imaginary friends I would be impatient waiting for them to show up all day!

I have to vent

OK I have to vent about something. I don't know who in the marketing world put Jenny McCarthy on the new Weight Watchers ad. It drives me crazy. She is supposed to be in playboy, or doing crazy things on MTV's singled out, or in another stupid movie, but really Weight Watchers. Have you seen the ad. It drives me crazy. She talks about how she had to lose all this weight after he children and then she does think little high pitched shriek thing saying something about how she can eat a whole watermelon and still lose weight. OMG I want to reach through the tv and shake her. I just don't understand who in marketing said, ok lets put Jenny McCarthy on the tv for weight watchers because she totally connects with stay at home mothers who are trying to lose weight, while wearing black nail polish and eating entire watermelons. Really I want to smack her.

She works hard for the Ribbon

If you know my brother Geoff you know he loves to hunt, he loves his dog and he does not like mayonnaise. So this weekend we participated in a Hunt Test. Let me explain. There are three levels of the Hunt Test...Junior, Senior and Master. Men and women work hard all year with their hunting dogs to make them pass these tests. You can make a lot more money on puppies and stick your chest out a lot further if your AKC registered dog has one of these titles behind them. Last year Elli (Geoff's dog) passed 4 Junior tests and now has a JH behind her name. This is like getting your degree, and a Masters pass is like a PhD. It is pretty impressive what these dogs can do. Anyway, Geoff asked me if I wanted to run Elli in one and I did, but I didn't want to do it when it counted. (When she was trying to pass 4 to get her Junior title). So this spring Geoff and I went to the farm and tried throwing some ducks for her and every time she would go for it and run it over to Geoff. I decided maybe it wasn't a good idea for me to run her. Anyway Fall arrived and I decided maybe I would try and run her. I love Elli to death, she is my niece, but sometimes she is a little spastic. I am allowed to say this because I am her aunt, I love her, I am on Team Elli, and because she tried to pull me down and kill me in the swamp.:) Geoff and I show up at 8am and listen to the judges tell us the course and what we have to do so we don't fail. (On a side note: the cool thing about the hunt test is that you are not judged against the other dogs, so everyone cheers for everyone.) So I watch most of the dogs go and some pass and we clap and some fail and we all moan. Yet, everyone got up to the start line without a problem. Yeah, until Elli and I get there. There are two blinds you stand behind until it is your turn. Elli doesn't like to heel for me and I don't like to yank on her leash...it is a vicious cycle. Elli gets uber excited to retrieve...I mean UBER. She is born to do this. So we get to the first blind and I am rubbing her and asking her for the love of god to come back to me. She can't see Geoff, but I can hiding in the bushes with the camera. Elli PULLS me to the second blind when it is our turn. With that the judge looks at me and says, "Great, I know she is excited, but could you walk back up here and show me that she can walk on all four feet." See she was dragging and I was pulling so she walked on two feet up there. We walked back...pep talked...walked on all four feet...sorta, but enough to get to run her. She made both retrieves no problem and we got lunch. The second run was in water and this is Elli's thing. We got to the line with a better heel and I sent her after the first duck. She spotted Geoff. Shit. Straight out to the duck, better than anyone else, straight back to Geoff. He hid behind the chair and prayed she would come back to me. She did, a lot of coaxing, but she came back. Elli and I got a ribbon and headed home to watch football. The second day is Geoff running her in Senior. He was nervous, I was nervous, Elli was UBER excited again. Yet, she does listen to him and heel. Amazing. There were a few nervous times on the first run but they called her back and she got to run the second part. Again Geoff and I go and get lunch. We had just had this big discussion on why when you buy a box lunch do they automatically put mayo and mustard on the sandwich? We got our box lunches and were very excited they were dry. They gave us packs of mustard and mayo however. Geoff gave me his mayo and I gave him my mustard. I love mayo...Geoff does not. I put it on my sandwich and made sure there wasn't a piece left uncovered. Geoff took one look, got out of the car and yuked everywhere! I couldn't stop laughing, and thinking about the sweet revenge of when he made me puke because of curdled milk. Maybe is wasn't the mayo, maybe it was nerves because of the second run with Elli, but I am pretty sure it was the mayo. Anyway, Geoff got to the second part of his test and Elli broke early...like I said she gets UBER excited. But I think she did great anyway. I am a proud aunt. Enjoy the pics. GO TEAM ELLI!

We caught fish

This weekend I was lucky enough to go Marlin fishing with Barret, his parents, Caroline and Robert. We logged quite a few animals in our nature book...dolphin, the other kind of dolphin, sea turtles and 3 whales!!! How cool is that! No Marlin, but a beautiful wonderful day with great people all around. Here are some pics! I think it is safe to say C-line and Hobert were sleepy by the end of the day.

You bark it's your birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABBEY!

Just a little Patience

When you date a doctor you live a healthy life. When you date a dentist you have the best teeth in town. When you date a lawyer you stay out of trouble. When you date a General Contractor you live your life in sawdust. When we first moved into our house I remember Barret saying...this is great...the house barely needs any work. HA...I laugh in the face of that comment. We started out with plaster man Charlie who took care of all the cracks in the plaster and painting. (This is the dustiest of all dusty jobs) Honestly Barret and I could have done the painting...and we gave it our best shot...but seriously we almost broke up a couple of times because of that damn paintbrush. So for the sake of our relationship Barret and I decided Charlie was better at painting then we are. Then there was the hole in the roof. Which wasn't bad...we just didn't know it was there until our ceiling started to bubble. Cracks and the holes in the wall is all the house gave us a problem with and god bless it for that...because Barret gets going on a roll. "Its all about resale value Mary." We started out the summer with the new fence and patio which I love and adore and spent a lot of time on this summer. In fact at the last girls night we figured out it makes a great catwalk! Then we saw the front porch come off and it is still in the fixings, but looks ah-ma-zing. But this my friends is what I have been waiting for all summer long and talk about PATIENCE. It was all worth it! When we first got the house there was this ugly ass fireplace in the living room. It was brick and ugly and on top of it all it did not work...not even as a gas fireplace. Nothing. It was stupid and I hated it. The only thing it was good for was my nutcracker collection. The idea came around that built in bookcases would really be nice. We don't have much storage so maybe some cabinets too? I had no idea that this is what I was getting. One of the guys at Barret's office builds things on the side? I don't really know what he does but all I know is that Barret showed him the wall, told him sort of what we wanted and this is what arrived at my house yesterday. And oh yeah...the big black abyss is where the new TV is going...HELLO STEELERS! So if you have been to my house think about when you walk in the front door (well if you can b/c for a while we had no porch) anyway...walk in the front door, turn your head to the left and bam...hello gorgeous! So I will take being a general contractors girlfriend any day...unless maybe David Beckham dumps Posh...then it is fair game :)

Yeah Dogs!

Way to go BECCA whose team has now WON two games!!!!!!!!!!!

Things!

Well first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA! (yesterday) and HAPPY ANNIVERSARY KATIE AND DAVID (again yesterday)!!! And HAPPY NEW BABY to Sherrie (last week)!!! And HAPPY WEDDING TO LAURA AND JOHN!!!! I have been busy...sorry :) It has been an eventful couple of weeks. I spent three weekends in the Northern Neck...the greatest place in the world. One weekend I saw the new dorms at SMS which are amazing and have walk in closets...I mean really!?!?! Then Geoff took me on a trip up Catpoint Creek, while testing out the new motor and putting up stakes for duck blinds. Anne and I were bridesmaids at Laura's wedding where we got to catch up with old friends while we danced the night away in the 100 degree Virginia Heat. Laura look beautiful and was so very relaxed. It was perfect! Then Labor Day weekend I played with my nephew all weekend long! He really is the sweetest thing ever. We have a special little bond...well I thought we did...until I heard that an hour after I left on Monday he took his first steps. I think I would have been okay with this if it was to mommy or daddy or even his dear Ganny. But no...it was to cousin Lawrence. :) Of course it was also the opening day of Dove Season, Geoffs favorite day...well it used to be at least. Weekends with my family are some of my favorite. There has been a lot going on with my Grandpolly not doing well and this is when we all count on each other to be there through thick and thin. My favorite times are piling around at the cottage to watch a Steelers Football game that is playing on the east coast at 1am, or maybe it is recorded, rain delay and all. Anyway it is these times that I love and will cherish forever. Ok enough mushy stuff...here is something kind of comical, I think. Sweet little baby Tayloe and his mother are coming to stay with me tonight. I do not have kids, therefore I have no baby stuff at all. I called Barret's mom. She has three grandchildren, I knew somewhere there had to be a crib. There was, yay! Thanks Maureen!! Anyway, yesterday Barret stopped by his mom's house to pick it up, threw it in the back on the truck and was on his way. Now I must tell you there is never anyone in the alley or in the backyard when I get home. But of course today as Barret is unloading a baby crib the whole neighborhood was watching. Not only was there a crib that could have been hidden because it was in a bag, (except for the Fisherprice crib written on the outside that Barret displayed), but there was a tiny mattress also that I carried in to the house. I had to laugh a little because the two of us moved so fast so no one would realize what we were carrying into the house, but I am convinced the whole neighborhood thinks that I am preggers. I am sure I will have some more pics of little T, but you can also read my sister's blog http://www.emeryblaby.blogspot.com/

So I hope everyone is well and enjoying what is left of summer.

I mean...

Do I have the cutest nephew or what?!?!?!?!

Geoff's Favorite Pic

If you ever have an extra ticket to a steelers game and are looking for a cheerleader...call me!

Elevator People

With my new fancy job for the "man" comes a four flight ride in a shaky elevator. Great building, bad elevators. Anyway on 4 floors there are a bunch of people who work for other companies. I seem to be on the same schedule with a group of people, arrive at the same time, lunch at the same time, leave at the same time and park in the same area. It is weird. But anyway I have noticed a lot of things about these people because they all know each other and talk, and I observe with the occasional ,"Man it is hot outside", "Have a good day", "Boy I am glad it is 5 o clock", those sorts of things. Sometimes I get nosy, like there is one woman who rides the elevator who always has a book in her hand, and it is always different. I asked her how many books she reads, "at least 7 a week". Are you serious?! I don't have time to read half of one much less 7! She is always reading, when she is walking, riding the elevator, eating...it really is amazing. Then there are a few guys who get on who are very involved with their church and talk about all the missions they have sent their children on...but they smell really bad of BO so I always try to avoid the ride with them if possible. Yesterday however was the most exciting ride. Most of the people in the building work on the 3rd floor, so at 5 i push the down button, get on the elevator and the doors open at three and a shit load of people get on with me. They were all fired up yesterday, "can you believe it" "did you see it" "How big was it". Totaling phrases that peak my curiosity. I finally not being able to hold it in anymore said "What was it?" A SNAKE they all scream. It was spotted on the first floor and with the 104 degree heat it is not a wonder there weren't 20 snakes trying to get in the building. I asked, "Did someone get it out?" Nope, someone saw it and then went to get help and it was gone. SHOCKER. They were all laughing about it and saying how thankful they were to be on the 3rd floor....I didn't have the heart to tell them that snakes can climb stairs. So now I have checked all my desk drawers and under my desk, because I am not going to have the snake anywhere near me.

It's beginning to look a lot like...

That's right ladies and gentlemen, it's beginning to look a lot like STEELER SEASON! A time when it is okay to have black and gold crazy hair, your favorite punter's jersey on your wishlist, a family who screams with each other and not at each other, text messages as fast as your fingers can type, a towel that circles around your head at rapid excitement speed while Tommy sniffs it and tells everyone that it is the sweet smell of success. A time when the goose is cherished and the terrible towel is dipped in the three rivers and the creek, when face painting is not allowed, but boas are totally acceptable as long as they are black and gold. It is a time when you find out that last minute news that you got tickets to the best game ever, even if it is 30 below, snowing and your brother makes you drive down death mountain, because it is your birthday and you got to see Ben, Hines and his mom, Mr. Rooney and the flying Hawaiian. A time when you are proud to say that you are from the town with the great football team, and nothing tastes better then a brawt off the grill while sitting on the cottage sofa. So please feel free to join anytime while we cheer on Ben, Hines, Troy, Chris,Heath, Willie, the Bus (forever we will cheer him), Alan, Larry, and Deshea and all the Steelers for the new exciting season! Life is good. HERE WE GO STEELERS...

quick catch up

I know it has been a while since I have written so I just wanted to do a quick catch up on what is going on in this here life. So in the past 21 days (yikes!) I have: joined the Junior League (something I never thought I would do, but I have done it), babysat for a couple of different families, travelled to Bald Head Island with the bridesmaids from Laura's wedding, gone to the movies, met a movie star, slept with a doberman on my chest and a boxer at my feet in a 5,000 sq ft house that wasn't mine, hosed down 26 alpacas when the weather was too hot for them, swam in a pool at midnight with Melissa, taught a few dogs how to behave, setup a fish tank with Barret, watched the Nora Roberts made for TV movie marathon on Lifetime, made plans to go to the Dominican Republic, cried when the bridge fell because that is my worst fear and why I always put the window down going over a bridge, went to a funeral of someone I admired, got jealous that my sister in law got a Dyson, watched my front porch being ripped off and a new one start, worked, slept, finished my allergy shot building and now am at maintenance for the next 5 years, played with an iPhone, voted for Pasha in "So you think you can dance" and I think that might be it. I have a few pictures from last week that I will post soon!

Oh Thank Heaven for 7-11

On Tuesday mornings I like to stop by the 7-11 and get one of those big blueberry muffins. They are my favorite and I limit myself to only having them on Tuesday mornings, because they are my reward for having three needles stuck in my arm at the allergist. I also like to people watch/listen there. This 7-11 is the best in fact for people watching, because there are some interesting characters. Might even make a good reality show. I will never forget the 7-11 this Christmas when all the employees hung stockings and had a contest to see who could make the most money in their stocking. So you were supposed to give your favorite cashier a couple bucks in their stocking and I guess it decided who was the coolest. Was it the transvestite who routinely hits on Barret, but I am not sure Barret realizes what is going on...or was it going to be the quiet girl with the long ass nails who cooks the hot dogs. I put money in the transvestites...because seriously he is freaking hilarious. I don't know if this was quite the promotion corporate had thought of for the holiday season, but it was the most pleasant cashiers I had ever met! So this morning was another interesting moment. I should tell you that I have great vision, but can never find anything. I will say to Barret, Babe...where is the new toothpaste? And his answer almost every time is... "next to the pink elephant". I just have blinders on sometimes. Jessica used to tell me to look with my eyes. That meant that I couldn't just scan I had to lift something and usually it was under that. But my hearing, my hearing is pretty good, and pretty annoying for some people. I like to listen to what complete strangers are saying. And it is not like I do it on the sly...nope usually I catch myself looking right at them nodding, like I am their best friend. So this morning there was a lady in the 7-11 who was high on something or drunk or just crazy at 8 am. Already a true character. One of the guys who worked there was telling her that if she just listened to her MAN and did what her MAN told her to do she wouldn't get in trouble. (mental note to self: don't put money is his stocking) She said her man didn't know nothing about her and she ain't going to listen to no one. All the girl cashiers applaud her. That's right girl. I must have blanked out for a second when deciding between the diet coke and the juice because next thing I heard was the man say, "God only created one man, we all come from the same man" Then I heard the best quote of the whole day from my drunk lady..."Well if all men came from one, then they must all be my baby's daddy" And I think that is what they call sticking it to the man.

Who Says So?

I would like to know who decides what makes a song eligible to play on the oldies station? Since I have moved into my office my radio on my desk only gets one station, which is the local oldies station. I couldn't be happier! I like top 40, but not all day. I like country, but not all day. I like pop, but not all day. This station has a great mix. However, this is not the oldies station that I grew up listening to. You don't hear much Elvis, monkees or temptations. Don't get me wrong they are mixed in there, but that was all oldies used to be. Right now Mamas and the Papas are singing Geoff and my song "California Dreamin'" Seriously we do a mean rendition. Anyway, this station should seriously be named Mom, Dad and Mary's (sometimes some siblings, maybe a dog or two) trips from Pittsburgh to Virginia. These are the songs that the three of us could handle in a car together for 7 hours. For example, I think they play the whole Big Chill CD at least once a day. Seriously The Big Chill came out in 1983. What about 24 years makes it old? I am 25...ancient according to this radio station. They also play Emery standards like The Beach Boys "help me Rhonda" or as dad and I like to say "happy Hanukkah...hap hap happy Hanukkah." And the best and if there is one Emery who doesn't agree...well there won't be...we were brainwashed by our mother in that any emery child can sing every lyric to every song by Neil Diamond. "cherry, cherry" "Kentucky woman" "Shiloh" (just on) "sweet Caroline"...we know them all, and love them. But still Neil Diamond...oldies? I just don't see it. The only thing they are missing from the emery turn table is Phantom, Les Miz, Cats, West Side Story, 1776 and The Music Man...other than that they are dead on. But those are probably waaaay to old to be just plain old oldies. See the confusion? So I am considering this radio station a mix between classic rock and oldies...I mean one time I heard the rolling stones on here and yes I know they have aged, but I just don't think Mick would like the idea of being on the oldies station. Well one this is for sure I have taped the hell out of my antenna to the wall, because i am losing this gold mine.

There are just some things

Every once in a while something will just down right bother me. I don't have many pet peeves, and I am tolerate of a lot, but there are just somethings that make me want to scream. This weekend I hit a big one. I am staying in Powhatan for the week pet sitting for Melissa. I went to the Food Lion on a Sunday to get hair product, I knew this was stupid to go and get one thing on a Sunday afternoon, but I was in Powhatan and it was the only place I could go. I found something to keep the frizz down and get me to work in the morning without looking like I hadn't showered all weekend. Anyway I stepped into the line which I thought was the lesser of evils. There was a woman in front of me with a small red headed child...maybe 4 or 5 years old? Don't get me wrong, I like children just as much as the next person, but there are just some that make you want to lose your reproductive system right then and there. This was one of those times. The girl was cute, her mom frumpy. She starts crying to her mom that she wants a balloon. Her mom grabs one of those balloons on a stick from up top that says "Happy Father's Day". Oh and I should probably mention there was one person almost done in front of her, and balloon lady's cart was FULL, I mean full and overflowing, $300 worth of full! So anyway...her I am standing with ONE item in my hand, just me and my hair gel checking out the latest news on Jen meeting Brad and Angies baby. When all of the sudden here it comes out of left field, whack! The balloon hits my stomach. Whack whack whack... this little girl is going to town on my stomach and my legs. I look at the woman, semi-smile. like can you please get your freaking child off of me. She does nothing, but roll her eyes a little, like I am the pain for not liking this little girl whacking me. It had already crossed my mind that if I was this woman with $300 worth of groceries and someone had ONE thing, I would let them before me. That is what mom taught us to do. Not this lady, nope she was going to make me wait while there were price checks on fruit loops and weighing of bananas, and her little daughter whacking me. Finally my straw broke, i grabbed the balloon out of her hand and said in this horrible voice out of no where "if you hit me with this balloon one more time, I am going to pop it." The little girls eyes got really big and she froze. And do you know what the woman said to me..."If you pop it you are going to have to pay for it, because I am not paying for a popped balloon." I took a deep breath put the balloon away on top of the shelf where the little girl couldn't reach it and with one of my little smirks that Barret and Pie can pick up in a second said, "well looks like you won't be paying for a balloon at all today." Again the eyes rolled at me. I was steaming. So when her total came up to $300 with the food lion discounts, I let out a little whistle and said man...good thing you didn't buy the balloon too. Who is this person, I don't talk to people like that...When the woman left the cashier about lost her marbles laughing at the whole scene, and then looked at me and very seriously said "Mam, I would have slapped the shit out of that child if I was you." Welcome to Powhatan Mary!

My Poor Friend Anne

If you have ever lived by yourself, you will agree the first thoughts about your new life can be pretty scary. Yet, you live to tell about it and discover it was one of the best things you have ever done. Well it was that way for me. I learned that I am a mess, but I can live by myself and Abbey lived to tell about it. So I feel that I can sympathize with my dear friend Anne who after living in sorority houses in Harrisonburg and a house full of people in Richmond is stepping into the world of alone. I am sure the scene of Bridget Jones singing "ALLLL BYYY MYYYSELLLLFF" and the thought of the cat picking away at you if you fell like in Sex and the City have done nothing to boost the esteem of a young woman living by herself. Ahhh but these are the days you look back on and laugh about later. I promise Anne. I do have to give away one story on her adventure however. Poor girl. She has been so excited about her new house and the curtains that she is going to hang, that nothing could have prepared her for what was about to happen. The guy who lived there before her moved out about a month ago. He cut off all electricity, water and everything else. Not a big deal, right? Well Anne finally got the key to her place and she walked in the door and it smelled like something had died a horrible death. Seriously, not like maybe something was moldy or the trash had not been taken out, but one of the most dreadful smells in the world. She came over to Burlees the next day and told Gibson and myself of the smell. She was convinced a mouse had died in the wall and it would smell like this forever. We went to investigate. Seriously the smell knocked you off your feet when you walked in, and I began to worry. I asked if there was a cat and Anne said yes, upstairs. I was convinced she had a crazy lady living above her and the cat liked to pee in anne's house, because that is what it smelled like. I didn't have the heart to tell her that smell would never go away. Instead we started moving things and looking around for this dead mouse. When out of the corner of my eye I notice a fly going into the ice maker in the fridge, that again had not been on in a MONTH. Stupidly I went over and took a big wiff. Ummm Anne I think the problem is in here I say trying my hardest not to vomit all over her new kitchen. Gibson pulls out the tray and says Anne you are really going to laugh at this...there is a beer can in here. Anne puts her head in and shrieks with all of her might....THERE IS MEAT!!! Apparently, and I say apparently because I was not going to stick my head near it again there was a tube of ground chuck with maggots all over it in the ice machine. Gibson rushed the ice maker outside, Anne cried, and Burlee and I tried not to throw up. Luckily Anne's dad was coming that day to take care of the rest of the scene, and anne laughed at herself for crying, and I told Anne some of my horror stories at my apartment like attack of the killer fleas. The moral of this story...bring your own ice to Anne's house.

I forgot some

I don't know how, but I forgot some stuff for my list and now they will be all out of order. Oh well

I also love

fireflies

the beach

being on a boat

the 4th Of July- And this year I have it off!

Picnics

riding in convertibles

and probably a lot more

Mary's Summer Top 10

10. Wearing Flip Flops

9. Canoeing with friends

8. Margaret's family summer visits

7. Weekend Getaways to anywhere

6. Light until you go to bed

5. Fishing in the pond, river, ocean

4. Getting a tan

3. Sitting on our new patio playing ball with Abbey while watching Barret cook cheeseburgers on the new grill

2. The Sunsets on the Rappahannock

1. The sound of a fan twirlling while you go to sleep

2 Down 2 To Go

I think that Barret and I have been invited to all the weddings this summer. We went to one in Norfolk where Barret was a groomsman. This weekend I was a bridesmaid for Sweet Caroline's. In a couple of weeks we are actually going to be able to sit next to each other for a wedding...well us and 600 other people!! in Edenton, NC. And last but not least I will be a bridesmaid again for Laura Lou in the Neck! Then I think that I have a lull from September until Decemember 24th because that is the offical opening day of engagements. Then it starts again. I posted a picture of what I did with my hair, and I really liked it. Of course I straightned it and then Sarah twisted it all up in the back and curled the ends. Mom took pictures of it just for my blog...right. Anyway the wedding was beautiful. I caught up with old friend who I had not seen since High School and managed to drink Jack and Ginger on an empty stomach and come out just fine in the morning. Unlike some people who I will not mention here. I have to tell you, it is a really strange feeling having someone you have known so much of your life have a new last name in just a few minutes. Anyway, I am thinking about dying my hair dark brown after the summer is over...?

LA Love

Look who's touching my baby nephew

www.emeryblaby.blogspot.com

corporate bachlorettes

Well I know that it has been a while since I have written and I apologize, especially to my biggest fan Anne who will let me know when it has been a while. I have been swept away from the world of non profits and small business to a big bad ass corporation. I love it and I miss a lot of stuff from my other jobs, such as flexibility and good friends, but I have found benefits and other perks to my new job as well. Ok so that question is out of the way. Now down to the good stuff. I LOVE BACHLORETTE PARTIES. Every year or so I have a good friend who gets married. Katie last year and Caroline and Laura this year. I have a big group of girlfriends, and most of us have been friends since high school. I love them all, but we all can get on each other's nerves every once and a while and you know the same old girl drama that happens with every gaggle. But those are not the times to remember. Saturday night 10 girls hit the town. I was so proud of us! 10 girls and not one single slice of drama. WAY TO GO! We started out the night on the front porch of 1825...one of our most cherished places. We caught up with the girls who don't live in Richmond and proceeded to start our beer drinking. We got pizza opened presents and decided we were ready to hit the town to go dancing. We called the cab and when the driver told us he could only fit 8 we laughed and said that is to damn bad and 10 of us squeezed in for the ride downtown. Caroline had a list of things she had to do on her shirt such as kiss a guy with a chinstrap, get a guy's wifebeater, among other R rated items that we will not discuss. One of my favorite parts was Caroline announcing on the microphone that she was getting married on Saturday and having everyone sing "Sweet Caroline" to her. We came, we saw, we conquered. And not anyone in that bar didn't know we were bridesmaids on a mission. Now, there were about 5 other bachlorette parties going on that night at the same bar, but I don't think there presence was known quite like ours. One of the funniest memories I have from Sat night was here are 10 girls, who have taken the bar by storm, shown this bachlorette a great time, taken every shot in the book and drank the bar dry getting ready to leave. I hear someone and I am prone to think it was little mama Katie asking everyone if they had their "exit buddy"...straight out of Finding Nemo...brings you right back to reality. I laughed, then sang Proud Mary to the cop outside...

Mary has moments

Sometimes when I am really really hungry or really really tired I have these minor freak outs that sometimes involve crying and Barret likes to call them "Mary Moments". This weekend I think that I had one of my best. You have to keep in mind that these moments are not normal and usually are over something very small that breaks the iceberg of something else going on that is probably bottled up. Like one time I cried because the sheets were not on my bed right, or because someone looked at me the wrong way and then it's water works. Can't help it, it just is part of the package deal I tell Barret. So anyway on Monday we were on our way home from a great weekend in Virginia Beach for a wedding. It was Barret's birthday, the sun was shining and everything was just perfect, except that I was beginning to have stomach pain because I was hungry. I don't know where this has come from, but I think it has something to do with my gall bladder being gone. It is like this horrible pain in the pit of my stomach that somehow effects my brain that my tearducts. I wanted to eat at the hotel before we left, but Barret had getting home on his mind and it was his birthday so I wasn't going to push it. We decided we would get some food on the way. We passed quite a few exits where there were food stops and I swear I could hear them calling my name, but I just kept telling myself it is Barret's birthday maybe there is something special he wants to eat so I will just bite my tounge. Well sometime when I start biting my tounge I become a bit snappy and finally I said "Look! Hardees!" Barret pulled over because he has learned about the hunger pain and cranky that comes with it. There were a couple of fast food restaurants at this exit, but Barret had agreed Hardees sounded good and I started thinking about those damn biscuits, seriously I think they are the best. Well Chick-fil-a was there too and a little closer so Barret said oh never mind we will just go to Chick-fil-a. Well you would have thought someone had just killed my best friend. I screamed like a young child "NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I DON"T WANT CHICK-FIL-A!!! I WANT HARDEES!!!!" Not to mention there were tears, actual tears, not like the ones I try and fake to my brother Geoff, but real ones. We are lucky Barret didn't have a car accident, he swerved because I guess it sounded like the shriek I give before he is about to hit an animal! Folks, it was bad. We got to Hardees and Barret who usually handles my Mary Moments very well, I mean he gave them the name for crying out loud was not happy at me. Which sent me into hysterical laughing. Jesus Mary, I mean what is wrong with you, it is all chicken and biscuits. I tried to explain it to him, but there was no hope. Of course because he is the most wonderful guy in the world, didn't stay mad long and I kept laughing. I took a sip of the diet coke and a bite of the biscuit and all was great in the world again. It is a very strange phenomenon, kind of like a mutlipe personality. Not Roxie though, that is my party alter-ego who is tres fun! This one needs an evil name. I am open to suggestions.

Run it Run it

Have you ever seen the commercial with Ellen DeGeneres commercial for VISA where she is at a Board Meeting surrounded by animals and says her dream was to work with animals? This is my life. I am surrounded everyday at our new doggie daycare with lots of puppies wanting to help me work. They like to take the trash out of my trash can that now sits higher than my head, they like to chew on the cords when I am not looking to help me fix my computer, they like to sleep on pillows like I would like to do while I am busy, and sometimes best of all they like to leave me little puddles to slip that send me sliding into the other room. I laugh every time I see that commercial and just think be careful what you ask for. I love all the puppies, but they are like children, I am glad they are someone elses and not all mine. Although I wouldn't mind a friend for abbey, but we won't go there today. Anyway sometimes we get dogs that belong to famous people, my boss has trained for Jimmy Dean, Don Henley, Richard Petty and many others. Well it always sends everyone crazy and everyone wants to work when these dogs are being brought into the office. Although the famous always seem to have someone else bring their dog in and then it is not that exciting. The latest buzz was a famous nephew of someone with the last name Brown was coming in for training. The aunt said her nephew had gone through a bad breakup and the dog needed some help. We were convinced it was Bobby Brown after the break up with Whitney, which spun the whole convo into that we could not believe Whitney was dating Ray-J! Oh and all of this was during a staff meeting. Again are you remembering that commercial? So this morning our new front desk girl brought the cutest pit bull puppy into my office and asked me to introduce her with the other dogs. Love to! She said, this is the Brown dog. Bobby Brown? i ask. No someone named Chris Brown. Now I am not a big R&B person, but I know who Chris Brown is because he is from Tappahannock. He is what has all the young boys in Tappahannock thinking they can be famous. It is hilarious. So my boss called a few minutes later and I answered the phone singing, "run it run it" and she had no idea what I was talking about, much less who Chris Brown is so i explained and she thought that was just great. The other girls in the office were drooling over the dog, because apparently they are in love with this 18 year old from Tappahannock. Really this just cracks me up. And I am really leaving this all for a 401K?

Quote of the day

"Curly hair is like a forest. It's very dense. You have to cut paths in it."
-Howard McLaren, creative vice president, technical director of Bumble and bumble

AMEN!

They see me rollin

Every Thursday night I have the wonderful invitation to go hang out with my girls. I look forward to it every week so I can catch up on gossip and of course watch Grey's Anatomy...(sniff sniff season finale next week). Anyway one of my dearest friends is getting married in June and I am a bridesmaid. I have the dress, needs some help from a tailor, I have the shoes, they need to be broken in, but by and by I am doing well for someone who has been known to wait til the last minute for things like this. So last night I brought up to the bride, what in the world am I going to do to my hair. I have a blue halter silky dress that is fitting, but sways at the bottom from J. Crew. It is also a black tie event. To me curly crazy hair does not scream black tie. So we started flipping through all of the magazines that 3 girls collect and looking things up on the Internet. UGGG if you Google bridesmaids updos, you get lots and lots of tendrils. Someone should tell these people that tendrils went out in the 80's and really were not that cool then. Yes I had them for one dance, but never never never again will I have them. As I have said in other blogs curls are in. Great. Not my curls. I don't see anyone with Shirley Temple curls on the cover of Vogue. I see people with straight hair and a personal assistant putting each of those curls in with a curling iron. I am sure that I pointed my view about this last night, and somehow the velcro curlers came out of the closet. (Bad idea number 1) Caroline gently brushes my hair (bad idea number 2) and places each one into what my mother used to call a rat's nest. (Bad idea number 3) I sat patiently while McDreamy thought about hooking up with another girl and daydreamed about how these rollers were going to change my hair and of course my life. They cooled and plop I was back in front of Caroline ready to take these puppies out! Then the peanut gallery starts a little snickering. Caroline says wait, lets brush them out for a second, bush brush brush. I stand up to look in the mirror when one of the girls cracks up and says hahah Mary you look like you are in a Miss America pageant. I did. All I needed was a sparkly dress and a baton to twirl and I was on my way. Now I will tell you that my hair should win an award for staying however you put it. I can wear it in a ponytail and take the rubber band out and it still looks like it is in there. So just imagine what it looked like with rollers. Needless to say Caroline made me sit back down and put my hair in a ballet bun and said, yep I think this would look great for the wedding. So the lesson for the day is NO ROLLERS...but maybe I will try one of those BIG curling irons.

Barefoot Garden requires shoes

I love summer, I love sunshine and I have taken an interest to the garden in our new fenced in oasis. Every summer I start out filling my pots with pretty flowers and planting new perennials and annuals in the garden. When we first moved in I started calling it the barefoot garden, because I don't really like to wear shoes. Especially when winter is over and it is warm enough to feel that sweet Virginia dirt in between your toes. Then at some point I decide I have to put shoes on because something triggers this necessity. This year it is no different. I made it a whole month in the barefoot garden with no shoes, until yesterday. I generally don't find a lot in my garden except plants and the occasional presents that Abbey has left me, I thought my mom was lucky when she found a bottle of bourbon that she had buried for good weather for some event. (it really works) This kind of finding would have me popping a top not putting shoes on. Anyway as I said before we have recently put a fence up around our back yard and found out some of our neighbor's property was actually ours, so we fenced that in also. Barret and I found this very exciting as we could expand our garden! So yesterday I went out and decided I was going to clean out the part that we recently took back. Our neighbor had planted vegetables there last year so I planned on finding those remains. Yeah, not so much. I started raking and immediately came across a condom wrapper. This made me think about that wonderful article about the police cracking down on the hooker services in alleys. http://www.richmond.com/news/output.aspx?Article_ID=3916348&Vertical_ID=2&tier=1&position=4

I giggled for a minute and tried to convince Barret to keep some Ivy so I could put it in a hanging pot. He tells me he does not like Ivy and convinces me it will take over the fence and we decide to pull it out of the garden. I begin raking again and Barret starts pulling the ivy, when I hear "uh oh". Never a good thing. (please remember that I am in bare feet) "Ummm, Mary you might want to come and see this." I walk over and look at what he is pointing at...nice a black widow spider with her eggs. Great. Barret goes and gets tire cleaner spray, because that is what we had I guess and I go and get shoes. I don't mind spiders, I mean I don't like them particularly, especially black widows, but the don't really bother me. Barret does not like them. He sprays the spider and squishes her with the shovel. Ok, where there is one there is probably more, but now I really want this Ivy gone. It is a mission. I make Barret give me the gloves and decide I will take the ivy down. Here I go pulling quick and watching everywhere my hand goes. Then it starts to happen. I pull all the ivy off the corner of the garage and get it all off, when this vine that seems to never end drops a snake skin. I let out a little scream and realize it is just the skin, but start to worry, because where there is a skin, there was a snake. Barret assures me I am okay and to just keep going. Ok, I have shoes on and now gloves, long pants and a sweatshirt. I assure you this is not what I envision wearing in the barefoot garden, but I am hellbent on getting this garden clean. I was pleased at how much ivy I had gotten out from the corner and decide to look up the side and make sure I got it all out, I don't want to have to do this again next year, and then it happens. Where I had just had my hands pops out a snake head. I start screaming, "Barret, Barret, SNAKE!!!!!" I HAAAAATE snakes. They just freak me out. I now standing on the side of the fence on any ledge I can get on almost is tears trying to show Barret the snake. Good old Barret pulls the snake out and just like the Queen of Hearts "off with its head". We examine it and of course anytime I see a brown snake I am convinced it is a copperhead. Although I think this was probably just a nice little brown snake who didn't know what was coming, either way I don't like them. So I think my season on barefoot in the garden is done for 2007. Things are starting to grow, but also things are starting to come out of hibernation and I realllly don't want to step on one. After all was done Barret and I got a chuckle out of our neighbor serving lettuce with a side of condom, black widow and snake.

Abbers

This girl is getting her hair cut on Sunday!! She will look like a different dog. So lets call this the before picture. Thanks Melissa!

web site

Here is the web site for all the herbal essence new products. http://www.herbalessences.com/us/

Hello Hydration

Shampoo and I do not get along. We do not have that lovey dovey relationship like Adam Sandler and his shampoo in Billy Madison. I was on a DOVE shampoo and conditioner kick for a while and that was working well until my hairdresser made me feel guilty that I was basically buying over the counter shampoo when I needed the stuff you can only get in her shop. So I looked at her stuff and it sure felt good when she put in my hair but the prices are ridiculous! So I started not to feel so bad about my over the counter stuff...until I ran out and had to go and get more. I started to feel bad about my hair again and decided to check out some of the top shelf shampoo that you can still get over the counter. I found some that looked great and was on Sale! My favorite four letter word. I bought it and headed to Warsaw for the Bluegrass Festival. Before dinner that night I took a shower and was excited to wear my hair down, uggg this shampoo and conditioner made me feel like I was putting sand paper on my scalp. I thought to myself, it cannot be this top shelf stuff, it must be the motel shower. At home a couple days later I noticed the same feeling, this can't be good. Good old boy scout Barret always has some extras of everything in the closet, I must investigate. Sure enough he had this blue bottle of Herbal Essence. Fine, this will work. OH MY GOD. It is the best stuff I have ever put in my hair. I more closely examined the bottle and it was calling my name "HELLO HYDRATION". What a great name for a shampoo. I am always upset when I have to buy shampoo and conditioner for "dry and damaged" hair. Is my hair damaged because it is curly? I know it is dry and sometimes feels like straw...but do we have to use the word damaged? That is like in IKEA when you can get already cheap things for next to nothing because a piece is missing, and then it doesn't work, so you still have to pay for it...BUT it is cheaper. Not my new shampoo...HELLO HYDRATION! So of course Barret doesn't use conditioner, which amazes me, how can people not use conditioner...anyway...so I went to Target today and bought the conditioner and noticed a whole new Herbal Essence world. They have shampoo and conditioner for everyone, and they speak to you. My new Hello Hydration says " let us soak it to ya. we're all about the moisture, so let us quench your tresses with lush hydration." That is soooo much better then for dry and damaged. They totally understand the problems that I am having. Also it smells delicious of orchid & coconut milk. UM...YUM! I am in love with it. When you put shampoo in to the dry and damaged hair you can actually feel your roots drinking in this sweet goodness. Well I had to look at all the other stuff too, they had one there for curly hair also, which Barett wouldn't have bought because his is straight. So I bought some product for that and this one is called Totally Twisted. Love it. And it says to me "make a curl's life happy. we're for girls who want curls, and babes who want waves that are smooth, lush and defined." Again how much better is that then, dry and damaged. This one has Lavender twists and jade extracts. yum! They have all these products for every kind of hair, from dry and damaged to you are trying to hard to cover your greys. Except they have nice names and speak to you and your hair will love it! So trust me on this one, if you are in need of some hydration get it and let me know if you feel the same way about it as I do.

Intro

I did not always have curly hair...it was wavy, but not like the tight ringlet curls that it is becoming. It was not until I hit about 12, those wonderful teenage years when everyone is trying to fit in and look like their favorite pop stars, that my hair went curly. Rough rough years for someone with curly hair. Well...maybe not for those people who knew what to do with it. I spent nights crying to my mom that I wanted straight hair like all the other girls in my class, so we would bring out the hairdryer...BIG MISTAKE. Side note for anyone with children with curly hair when yours is straight...DO NOT USE A HAIRDRYER. It would be straight yay!, but also very frizzy and usually about 3 times the size of my head. Not quite the look we were going for. So then I decided to chop it all off, another not so good idea. Imagine the first day of middle school, with a boy haircut that had waves, purple glasses, braces, a pleated blue knee length skirt, a white blouse, not shirt, but blouse, a sunflower vest and to top it all off corduroy multi color converses. Yes ladies and gentlemen this is how I started middle school. Luckily there is the yearly first day of school picture to prove it. Finally at summer camp I met another girl who had curly hair and it actually was curly, not frizzy and looked GREAT! I immediately flocked to her and asked her what she did to her hair. PRODUCT became my new best friend. High School started much better with a cute ponytail that draped curls down my back and it became an envy to those straight haired girls.
Now 2007 I try to embrace these curls that seem to get curlier every day. I get a lot of comments at the hair places where little blue hair ladies are getting perms wishing for my hair...talk about a confidence builder. I have people everyday telling me I should wear my hair down, or get it styled..(no names...mags). The thing about styling curly hair is it is nearly impossible, I should also let you know at this point that it is not only curly, but thick...I am talking that I probably have three peoples worth of hair on my head thick. My favorite is to watch the TODAY SHOW and have their little fashion guy tell me that curls are in and all the stars are going with curly hair. It is a tease because then they show the pictures and great some cleb has had her own personal hairstylist put big bouncy curls in with a curling iron...THOSE ARE NOT CURLS. I cuss at the little man at this point and tell him that one day I will make it up to New York and show him curls. I also Google all the time curly hair styles, again the bouncy curling iron curls... then I get frustrated and throw my hair up into a pony tail or the two buns on either side of my head...critical for me.
So with all of this being said I have decided to start a blog for curly hair people who would like some ideas on what I am doing and trying, what works and A LOT of what doesn't work. And for all of those straight hair people who are just dying to have curly hair...live through my pain and perseverance.