Oh Thank Heaven for 7-11

On Tuesday mornings I like to stop by the 7-11 and get one of those big blueberry muffins. They are my favorite and I limit myself to only having them on Tuesday mornings, because they are my reward for having three needles stuck in my arm at the allergist. I also like to people watch/listen there. This 7-11 is the best in fact for people watching, because there are some interesting characters. Might even make a good reality show. I will never forget the 7-11 this Christmas when all the employees hung stockings and had a contest to see who could make the most money in their stocking. So you were supposed to give your favorite cashier a couple bucks in their stocking and I guess it decided who was the coolest. Was it the transvestite who routinely hits on Barret, but I am not sure Barret realizes what is going on...or was it going to be the quiet girl with the long ass nails who cooks the hot dogs. I put money in the transvestites...because seriously he is freaking hilarious. I don't know if this was quite the promotion corporate had thought of for the holiday season, but it was the most pleasant cashiers I had ever met! So this morning was another interesting moment. I should tell you that I have great vision, but can never find anything. I will say to Barret, Babe...where is the new toothpaste? And his answer almost every time is... "next to the pink elephant". I just have blinders on sometimes. Jessica used to tell me to look with my eyes. That meant that I couldn't just scan I had to lift something and usually it was under that. But my hearing, my hearing is pretty good, and pretty annoying for some people. I like to listen to what complete strangers are saying. And it is not like I do it on the sly...nope usually I catch myself looking right at them nodding, like I am their best friend. So this morning there was a lady in the 7-11 who was high on something or drunk or just crazy at 8 am. Already a true character. One of the guys who worked there was telling her that if she just listened to her MAN and did what her MAN told her to do she wouldn't get in trouble. (mental note to self: don't put money is his stocking) She said her man didn't know nothing about her and she ain't going to listen to no one. All the girl cashiers applaud her. That's right girl. I must have blanked out for a second when deciding between the diet coke and the juice because next thing I heard was the man say, "God only created one man, we all come from the same man" Then I heard the best quote of the whole day from my drunk lady..."Well if all men came from one, then they must all be my baby's daddy" And I think that is what they call sticking it to the man.

Who Says So?

I would like to know who decides what makes a song eligible to play on the oldies station? Since I have moved into my office my radio on my desk only gets one station, which is the local oldies station. I couldn't be happier! I like top 40, but not all day. I like country, but not all day. I like pop, but not all day. This station has a great mix. However, this is not the oldies station that I grew up listening to. You don't hear much Elvis, monkees or temptations. Don't get me wrong they are mixed in there, but that was all oldies used to be. Right now Mamas and the Papas are singing Geoff and my song "California Dreamin'" Seriously we do a mean rendition. Anyway, this station should seriously be named Mom, Dad and Mary's (sometimes some siblings, maybe a dog or two) trips from Pittsburgh to Virginia. These are the songs that the three of us could handle in a car together for 7 hours. For example, I think they play the whole Big Chill CD at least once a day. Seriously The Big Chill came out in 1983. What about 24 years makes it old? I am 25...ancient according to this radio station. They also play Emery standards like The Beach Boys "help me Rhonda" or as dad and I like to say "happy Hanukkah...hap hap happy Hanukkah." And the best and if there is one Emery who doesn't agree...well there won't be...we were brainwashed by our mother in that any emery child can sing every lyric to every song by Neil Diamond. "cherry, cherry" "Kentucky woman" "Shiloh" (just on) "sweet Caroline"...we know them all, and love them. But still Neil Diamond...oldies? I just don't see it. The only thing they are missing from the emery turn table is Phantom, Les Miz, Cats, West Side Story, 1776 and The Music Man...other than that they are dead on. But those are probably waaaay to old to be just plain old oldies. See the confusion? So I am considering this radio station a mix between classic rock and oldies...I mean one time I heard the rolling stones on here and yes I know they have aged, but I just don't think Mick would like the idea of being on the oldies station. Well one this is for sure I have taped the hell out of my antenna to the wall, because i am losing this gold mine.

There are just some things

Every once in a while something will just down right bother me. I don't have many pet peeves, and I am tolerate of a lot, but there are just somethings that make me want to scream. This weekend I hit a big one. I am staying in Powhatan for the week pet sitting for Melissa. I went to the Food Lion on a Sunday to get hair product, I knew this was stupid to go and get one thing on a Sunday afternoon, but I was in Powhatan and it was the only place I could go. I found something to keep the frizz down and get me to work in the morning without looking like I hadn't showered all weekend. Anyway I stepped into the line which I thought was the lesser of evils. There was a woman in front of me with a small red headed child...maybe 4 or 5 years old? Don't get me wrong, I like children just as much as the next person, but there are just some that make you want to lose your reproductive system right then and there. This was one of those times. The girl was cute, her mom frumpy. She starts crying to her mom that she wants a balloon. Her mom grabs one of those balloons on a stick from up top that says "Happy Father's Day". Oh and I should probably mention there was one person almost done in front of her, and balloon lady's cart was FULL, I mean full and overflowing, $300 worth of full! So anyway...her I am standing with ONE item in my hand, just me and my hair gel checking out the latest news on Jen meeting Brad and Angies baby. When all of the sudden here it comes out of left field, whack! The balloon hits my stomach. Whack whack whack... this little girl is going to town on my stomach and my legs. I look at the woman, semi-smile. like can you please get your freaking child off of me. She does nothing, but roll her eyes a little, like I am the pain for not liking this little girl whacking me. It had already crossed my mind that if I was this woman with $300 worth of groceries and someone had ONE thing, I would let them before me. That is what mom taught us to do. Not this lady, nope she was going to make me wait while there were price checks on fruit loops and weighing of bananas, and her little daughter whacking me. Finally my straw broke, i grabbed the balloon out of her hand and said in this horrible voice out of no where "if you hit me with this balloon one more time, I am going to pop it." The little girls eyes got really big and she froze. And do you know what the woman said to me..."If you pop it you are going to have to pay for it, because I am not paying for a popped balloon." I took a deep breath put the balloon away on top of the shelf where the little girl couldn't reach it and with one of my little smirks that Barret and Pie can pick up in a second said, "well looks like you won't be paying for a balloon at all today." Again the eyes rolled at me. I was steaming. So when her total came up to $300 with the food lion discounts, I let out a little whistle and said man...good thing you didn't buy the balloon too. Who is this person, I don't talk to people like that...When the woman left the cashier about lost her marbles laughing at the whole scene, and then looked at me and very seriously said "Mam, I would have slapped the shit out of that child if I was you." Welcome to Powhatan Mary!

My Poor Friend Anne

If you have ever lived by yourself, you will agree the first thoughts about your new life can be pretty scary. Yet, you live to tell about it and discover it was one of the best things you have ever done. Well it was that way for me. I learned that I am a mess, but I can live by myself and Abbey lived to tell about it. So I feel that I can sympathize with my dear friend Anne who after living in sorority houses in Harrisonburg and a house full of people in Richmond is stepping into the world of alone. I am sure the scene of Bridget Jones singing "ALLLL BYYY MYYYSELLLLFF" and the thought of the cat picking away at you if you fell like in Sex and the City have done nothing to boost the esteem of a young woman living by herself. Ahhh but these are the days you look back on and laugh about later. I promise Anne. I do have to give away one story on her adventure however. Poor girl. She has been so excited about her new house and the curtains that she is going to hang, that nothing could have prepared her for what was about to happen. The guy who lived there before her moved out about a month ago. He cut off all electricity, water and everything else. Not a big deal, right? Well Anne finally got the key to her place and she walked in the door and it smelled like something had died a horrible death. Seriously, not like maybe something was moldy or the trash had not been taken out, but one of the most dreadful smells in the world. She came over to Burlees the next day and told Gibson and myself of the smell. She was convinced a mouse had died in the wall and it would smell like this forever. We went to investigate. Seriously the smell knocked you off your feet when you walked in, and I began to worry. I asked if there was a cat and Anne said yes, upstairs. I was convinced she had a crazy lady living above her and the cat liked to pee in anne's house, because that is what it smelled like. I didn't have the heart to tell her that smell would never go away. Instead we started moving things and looking around for this dead mouse. When out of the corner of my eye I notice a fly going into the ice maker in the fridge, that again had not been on in a MONTH. Stupidly I went over and took a big wiff. Ummm Anne I think the problem is in here I say trying my hardest not to vomit all over her new kitchen. Gibson pulls out the tray and says Anne you are really going to laugh at this...there is a beer can in here. Anne puts her head in and shrieks with all of her might....THERE IS MEAT!!! Apparently, and I say apparently because I was not going to stick my head near it again there was a tube of ground chuck with maggots all over it in the ice machine. Gibson rushed the ice maker outside, Anne cried, and Burlee and I tried not to throw up. Luckily Anne's dad was coming that day to take care of the rest of the scene, and anne laughed at herself for crying, and I told Anne some of my horror stories at my apartment like attack of the killer fleas. The moral of this story...bring your own ice to Anne's house.